I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
