you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
