Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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