And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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