I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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