If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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