Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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