There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
