Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just high enough for therapy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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