Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
