I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize