thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
