I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
