I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
