Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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