I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
