How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
