She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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