Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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