i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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