so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
