he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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