You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
