Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How does one acquire holy water?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
