im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
