my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
