At least make sure they are 18
Why
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
