she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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