Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
