Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
