did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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