I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
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There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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