I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
well you can't waste a boner
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.