True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings