I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old