im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.