I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.