After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
