Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
