I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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