The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
