No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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