good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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