just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
