so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
