I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
