a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
