so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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