Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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