OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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