That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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