I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
