my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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