For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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