Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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