yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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