Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
