dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
