I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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