Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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