Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
