He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
