my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
